Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
