i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
