That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
