I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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