I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
