You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
