every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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