You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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