God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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