Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ruined the universe
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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