Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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