it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
