I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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