i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize