dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
