We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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