I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
