I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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