Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
