It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
