If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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