I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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