Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
