i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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