i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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