I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
