thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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