dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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