Michael Bay diarrhea
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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