yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He felt like a one man threesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
