were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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