the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
