I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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