Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
