I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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