sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
