So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
