well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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