i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
