So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
