dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
