He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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