I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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