so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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