How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
