Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my being single is dangerous.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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