i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
