counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
