you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
