Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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