when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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