Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
