He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
