your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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