I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
