im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
