i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize