I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
