last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize