Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
