Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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