How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
