Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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