I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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