woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
