I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
