It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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