you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
