At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
