Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
