They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
