You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
