Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
