I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
