Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want a musical about memes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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